MEET REX
A long time ago, in a land far, far away but still accessible from Leeds/Bradford airport via Amsterdam, a dinosaur was born.
His mum and dad called him Rex because all the proper dinosaur-y names like Dino and Roary and Barney and Stormzy and Micropachycephal had already been taken.
From the day he was born, Rex was different from the others. He wasn’t interested in playing with the other kids or strolling through the forest, doing the occasional poo and auditioning for Steven Spielberg’s next Jurassic movie – no, instead he liked to eat PEOPLE!
Sadly, 66 million years ago there weren’t any people, so Rex had to make do with lizards, turtles, insects and a plant-based diet that he’d read about on Gwyneth Paltrow’s website.
One day Rex was sitting around, watching CBeebies and wondering how long it would be before people were invented. He got a WhatsApp message from his cousin Ebor, who identified as a dragon and had escaped to a land even further away, along with his dinosaur relatives Jester and Jasmine – yes, we already told you that all the proper dinosaur names had been taken!
“Come over here and live with us”, Ebor messaged, along with emojis of a champagne bottle, a fillet steak and a stegosaurus. “It’s great! There’s so much to see and do and no plant-based diets. And there’s PEOPLE!”
Luckily, Rex had learned to fly so he didn’t have to worry about how much Jet2 charged for hold luggage.
He set off to see his relations far, far away. It was a lot further away than he had imagined and took a very, very long time but he found Google Maps to be helpful. He made a couple of stop-overs, mainly to do the occasional poo and to buy a gift of a huge Toblerone bar for Ebor.
A mere 66 million years later, Rex arrived. He was very tired but he couldn’t wait to see Ebor, Jester and Jasmine. He wasn’t really sure where he was but he knew it was called Lightwater Valley Adventure Park and it was the most magical, wonderful place he had ever seen. There were PEOPLE everywhere and Rex couldn’t wait to start eating them!
“We shall call you Rex the Valleysaurus”, said Ebor, who was an expert in brand marketing. “When’s feeding time?” Rex asked his cousins. “Not sure. I’m just trying to work out what to do with this huge Toblerone bar!”, Ebor replied. Just then, the Park’s boss called out “Meet and Eat time, guys!”
Rex followed the others as they went to an area of the Park where there were lots of PEOPLE all staring at them. “Yum”, thought Rex.
So watch out if you’re a PEOPLE – Rex is coming for you….
